haphazard
by vernajast
Summary: drip.drip.drip. the miniscule twitch of an eyebrow.the tap of a finger on the desk.the slow, too slow, passage of time, marked only by the slide of the sun's light retreating across the room. hokage!Naruto, insane!Sasuke. sasunaru, narusasu.


_All I can say is that it's NaruSasuNaruSasu, Naruto's the Hokage, and Sasuke is crazy and locked up. Canon-verse, post-series. Warnings for implied sex, angst, and hopelessness._

* * *

><p><strong>haphazard<br>by vernajast**

_naruto and sasuke_

drip.

drip.

drip.

drip.

the minuscule twitch of an eyebrow.

the tap of a finger on the desk.

the slow, too slow, passage of time, marked only by the slide of the sun's light retreating across the room.

drip.

drip.

.drip.

a hand combing through dark, matted hair (it used to be the envy, he used to, they).

the skitter of small feet. a rat.

footsteps.

step.

step.

step.

the changing of guards.

sasuke.

hadn't that once been _his_ name.

the creak of the chair as he rocks himself from side to side.

the cold.

the.

t.

eyelids slip closed.

the sound of it do they make a sound the eyelashes right the eyelashes right the blond eyelashes right how could he forget how could how how and...

drip.

drip.

_A kunai zips past him, inches from his ear, and if he had flinched, been any slower, it would have pierced through his eye. His terrible eye, the one they all feared so very, very much. _

drip.

.drip.

_Naruto laughed and grabbed him, a haphazard ball of energy, and the pair fell, toppled by his exuberance, onto the grass, onto each other. Sasuke allowed his lips to tilt, allowed them to form that thing called a smile, and he knew he should have trained more so he wouldn't fail so spectacularly. "What the hell, bastard? Are you...are you _smiling?_" And he didn't miss the fleeting moment in which Naruto looked genuinely scared, as if the world might collapse in on him at any moment. _

_Sasuke let his arms naturally drape over his attacker's shoulders and tugged him down, closer, too close..._

drip.

the tapping of his fingers becomes irregular.

the rocking creak of the chair forces him to remember, to think, to remember, to and _no._

_The bed creaked softly beneath their weight, rhythmically calling cadence to their desperate movements. Neither heard it. Their eyes - accursed and pure - were solely focused on each other. Someone whispered, "Please..." between their lips._

footsteps.

too early, and he hates changes and he can't handle this and and and _no._

"Sasuke."

the groan of the gate.

a body leaned against it, haphazard and dangerous for it, sharp, bright, blinding.

naruto.

a name.

a name that means something.

like sasuke.

a name.

a name that.

"It's okay."

a name with a voice with a heart with a heartbeat with hips that move and _Oh...oh god..._

"I'll come back later."

drip.

no.

drip.

_no._

drip.

"no."

drip.

pause.

lips are licked.

a throat works furiously to form words that will express, that can express this thing inside him threatening to burst out.

"What did you say?"

an equally dry, frozen throat.

fear.

"no."

"Sasuke, are you..."

"no."

"You don't want me to go?"

"no...!"

a single syllable of desperate pain and hope and power.

don't ever forget.

power.

_"Sasuke, one day, I'll be Hokage." The blond doesn't bother to brush away the stray strands of hair that stick to his eyelashes. Sasuke does it for him. Pale fingertips cross his tan forehead, slide down, brush a cheek, slide back into his hair to palm the nape of his neck. It is possessive, this act, and he partakes daily in the ritual, needfully connecting himself to his counterpart. The opposite is unfathomable anymore._

_"You will." A statement of truth, accompanied by the slightest nod, betrayed by the tremble of hair that frames his face. Naruto's skin is warm against his palm. If Naruto were to take a step just now, Sasuke would follow, in unison, unwilling to relinquish it just yet. _

_And Naruto smiled. Nothing more. As if by confirming the obvious, Sasuke had made it true. _

drip.

"no."

drip.

those incessant drops.

not tears.

not.

blood.

not.

brother's—_stop._

mumbles in the dark.

drip.

no one is there.

no one is ever there, and he's imagined the same scene so many times but.

but no one.

"no."

and he feels so impotent and _no._

so _power_less.

_no. _

"no."

"no naruto."

his eyes slide closed at the utterance of the name he never speaks.

not even in whispers.

the remembering is painful, the pain is forever, and forever is ever is _power_and _no._

fingers on the gate.

they might open it.

they might.

they might.

they can't.

they musn't.

"no."

but sunny blond hair and _oh god_ and _oh fuck_ and _touch me._

a flood of words unspoken.

and naruto.

just naruto.

the screams of seals releasing.

drip.

drip.

the thread of blood through veins.

naruto's veins.

sasuke's.

veins.

heart.

their heart.

drawn like gravity and hasn't it always been so painful and so beautiful and two opposites drawn together.

hurtling toward this for so long that, that, that that what what can they do.

but follow through.

arms around his untouched body.

so long without this.

so long.

goodbye.

goodluck.

goodriddance.

goodness.

_ha._

_haha._

_hahahahahahaha!_

he doesn't remember why it's funny.

lips, a quick press, a promise for more.

and the only thought, the only one, the only is that he is dirty.

too dirty.

a taint.

a blight.

an endless supply of pain. _power._

"no."

bright eyes taken aback open wide and he learns that even silence has a sound and that sound is the sound of the sound of naruto's breath whooshing from his lungs.

"No? Sasuke..."

pale fingers clench tight in white cloth.

pale fingers leave black prints on white cloth.

pale fingers ruin clean white cloth.

recoil.

_oh god._

pull away.

_oh fuck._

bite his lip and fidget with a tickling lock of hair, and pretend pretend _pretend_ the conversation went differently. _please_.

_so good._

persistent, he always was.

"Don't worry."

assurance.

"Don't worry, Sasuke."

hope.

even still.

here.

in the dark.

in his heart.

there is hope.

always.

"I'll save you."

always.

"I'll bring you back."

always.

lips press, skin brushed and warmed and heat transferred through a palm pressed to smooth tan neck and _hokage sama that's dangerous you should go now that monster could he won't he hasn't he isn't he can't._

"I'll be back soon."

"I'll be back tonight."

"I'll take you home."

again.

again.

drip.

drip.

drip.

.drip.

blood down his arm where his nails dig deep.

dig deeper.

tap.

tap.

on the desk.

inside, the words won't stick.

they form and fade.

but the memory sustains him.

warm skin, warm lips, warm heart, warm smile, warm.

_naruto._

the thought that supersedes the things once held in the highest regard_._

power.

vengeance.

pain.

loneliness.

necessity.

naruto.

just naruto.

_"I'll bring you home!"_

_please._

_oh god._

_please._

drip.

drip.

and the sun retreats beneath the rim of the window.

darkness swallows him up again.

_please._

[...]


End file.
